Ten years ago her views on homosexuality, which she termed a “biological error”, led to the cancellation of a planned television talk show. Dr. Laura is the female version of Glenn Beck, except she has a bigger penis then him. So Dr. Laura was eating children’s souls, beating off a load to pictures of Ronald Regan eating a footlong, and doing her thing on the radio when a black female called in complaining about her white husband’s use of a racial epithet. Dr Schlessinger told the caller she was being hyper-sensitive, then repeatedly used the word herself. 11 times actually!!

To be honest, I was pretty fucking excited to hear this (not the word itself, I’ll save that to DMX Rufff Ryyydddaazzz) but I knew it would get this old hag canned. And it did!!! “I made the decision not to do radio anymore. I want to regain my first amendment rights,” the dinosaur/whore commented on her “more forced then Ben Rothlesberger sex” decision to quit her radio show. Which in the American conservative world, counts as a heartfelt apology.

Just like a super hero, the lose Alaskan deer hunter Vagina girl quickly came to save the day, taking to her twitter to tweet these two beauties

“Dr.Laura:don’t retreat…reload! (Steps aside bc her 1st Amend.rights ceased 2exist thx 2activists trying 2silence”isn’t American,not fair”)”

“Dr.Laura=even more powerful & effective w/out the shackles, so watch out Constitutional obstructionists. And b thankful 4 her voice,America!”

I want to make a ride for Disneyland, called “being inside Sarah Palin’s brain.” It would scare the fuck out of kids, and put fear in the entire human race. How fucking diluted and ignorant are this woman’s thoughts on the outside world. Holy fuck Sarah, you are one dumb fucking human being. I don’t even need to say, or prove how offensive this must be to the black community of America, or let alone, anyone with a fucking brain or conciseness. I’m sure her quotes do that all on there own.

All I’ll say is this…Sarah Palin fucking scares me. I take pride in Canada and have my problems with America, but for the most part we do have a lot of similarities. What scares the shit out of me though, is that millions of Americans voted for her, hundreds of thousands follow her on twitter, and that she’s already reproduced.

Hope everyones summer is going swimmingly so far. The publicity from the Stampede must’ve painted great in the rest of canada. A bunch of horses die, people get injured being thrown off a ride, but Vince F’ing Vaughn was partying it up!! Celebrity appearance always tops out of date death of animals and lack of safety on the grounds!!

As for what we’ve been up too, besides still trying to understand Inception and how amazingly amazing it was. We will be officially launching in the fall of this year, with our official website! Along with that, you can expect to see the first launch of Unconventional Hoser t-shirts along with both Steve and Mitch actively spreading our word and influencing the political process where need be, around this city of Calgary. Something to look forward during that awful time between summer ending and school starting.

One thing we will be debuting today is the 3 conventional douche bags of the week. This is a highly prestigious award and only goes to the biggest douche bags on planet earth. We will be taking suggestions, anything from politics, pop culture or Zack Galfiansijakakas over extending his 5 minutes of fame.

The Number 3 spot in our Conventional Douche Bags of the week countdown goes too…

the Israel Justice System!!!

A Palestinian man  who has been convicted of rape after consensual sexual intercourse with an Israeli woman who believed he was Jewish because he introduced himself as “Daniel.”

Kashur was accused of misleading the woman, whose identity has not been disclosed, by introducing himself with the traditionally Jewish name when they met on a street in central Jerusalem in 2008. After striking up a conversation, they went into a nearby office block and engaged in a sexual encounter, after which Kashur quickly left.

It is known as “deceptive rape” and the guy spent 18 months in jail.

2. Entertainment News!!

Honestly, who in the fuck wants to grow up and be on an entrainment news show? ET Tonight actually cut into Global news morning this week to break that Lindsay Lohan was on her way to jail!! And they cut too active child pedophile and kfc eater Perez Hilton. I didn’t realize I was able to feel that much anger that early in the morning that wasn’t alcohol related, but I was proven wrong. For anyone who found any interest in this, or gets a chubby by visiting that douche bags website….to quote the great Mclovin “read a fucking book for once”

Annnnnddddddddd the number one official conventional douche bag and someone who is bound to steal these honours for many times to come…GLENN BECK!!!

1. “If Glenn Beck’s daily shows are not enough education for you, the controversial talk show host has launched his own online “university” – an academic program that will school you on the “concepts of Faith, Hope, and Charity”

Beck University!! Glenn Beck has decided to take his words and ideas, that can only be defined as “verbal rape”, to anyone that hears them, and start up a university! Glenn has decided to even have classes where he teaches his faith (he’s a mormon btw) to his students!! Eat your heart out BYU, your no longer the most radical, boring ass mormon school nobody wants to go to. I have a ton of bits and jokes for this but I don’t think any of them do this story justice.

player of all time)  and his Chicago Blackhawk teammates brought the Stanley Cup to the Chicago pride parade, to celebrate with thousands– a tribute to Maple Leafs GM Brian Burke’s son who was openly gay and tragically passed away last year. Brian had become an advocate for his son and even marched in Toronto’s pride parade alongside him.

Iceland officially legalized gay marriage and Iceland’s prime minister took the opportunity to put a rock on her woman, becoming the world’s first head of government to enter a gay marriage.

And then this weekend, Toronto had millions of gays flock to its downtown core, in what is one of the biggest pride parades in the world. Personally, as big as an advocate as I am for Gay Marriage, I’m not sure I

could actually sit through an entire pride parade (that holds nothing back in terms of skin, costumes and male genitalia) but even the most impotent Conservative must’ve enjoyed seeing it take place as opposed to angry protestors setting cars on fire.

However, it wasn’t all rainbows and matching pink stockings for the gay community, as the release of 8: The Mormon Proposition came out, a documentary that unapologetically outlines the Mormon Church’s role in (as

the film contends, orchestrating) the Proposition 8 campaign in California in 2008 — the infamous piece of legislation that banned gay marriage in the state.

Millions upon millions of dollars were given by the church in this “holy” fight that has helped the Mormon church in its chase to become the religion in North America most removed from common sense, reality and understanding civilization in the 20th century. Although not perfect, this film does a great job of making your blood boil, and makes you wonder how a church and its idiotic leaders can get away with the bigotry and intolerance it does. It also causes a tough debate between which leader can say the dumbest fucking thing imaginable, between the leader of the Mormon Church calling it’s members an “army” against gay marriage, or the Pope deeming the biggest threat to the world to be gay marriage.

So much progress made for one side, while members of the other side refuse to even fucking listen. In North America, the majority of the opposition’s views to gay marriage have become nothing short of repetitive, tiresome and in general just “fucking stupid.” Most of this opposition stems purely from religion and ignorance towards other people’s culture.

“The sanctity of marriage” is a popular buzz word for these people, which is purely ironic coming from a continent in which some of the most popular shows are the Bachelor, Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire, Rock of Love, and who wants to get Aids from Flava Flav. As well, the sanctity of marriage argument pretty much goes out the window when it’s coming from a country that is currently hitting at over a 50% divorce rate. And yet people still like to loosely use the phrase “It’s a threat to the American family,” as if somehow there was a KKK of Gay banditos running around suburban neighbourhoods looking to turn young Johny and Tommy away from idolizing their favourite football players and into cock hungry, manic depressives.

It’s time to start fighting back against intolerance and bigotry showed towards the gay community. Any slur against gay men or women, should be viewed in the same context were it one against blacks, jews or females. It’s time

to cut words like “faggot”, “homo” and being “gay”, out of our everyday vocabulary.  Canada has already begun to separate itself on this issue from America with our legalization of gay marriage, but we need to continue to be an example to the rest of the world as a country with rich history in welcoming other cultures.

As for the economic side of things, whatever damage it’s doing to the local businesses is countered by the fact that you can pretty much fill your car with the oil-infested seawater that’s now conveniently at thousands of people’s doorsteps! If only we were that lucky!

As for the birds… Well, going back to movies again, birds are evil. Their incessant chirping on a bright, cheery morning has woken pretty much all of us up out of an alcohol induced coma at one point or another. Sure, you go grab a gun, and shoot a few, but they’re always back, chirping away. Once again, the people in the Gulf should be thanking their lucky stars that they’ll be able to sleep in peace that much easier.

However, if those compelling points don’t quell your raging hard-on for eco-justice, maybe it’s time to think about just where the fingers of blame should be pointing. I’ll say that 7 out of the ten fingers should definitely be pointed at BP. Don’t get me wrong, they really screwed the pooch here. The lack of a plan to deal with an emergency like this is completely irresponsible. As well, the other main players in the international oil biz find themselves in the same boat. I really like the part where Exxon-Mobil’s “plan” consisted of 40 pages of public relations strategies, and only 14 pages of how to fix the shit.

But we need to remember that these oil companies are just that—companies. Of course they are going to do things the most cost effective way—especially if an event of this magnitude is unprecedented. From what I have seen, nearly all businesses out there are reactive, as opposed to pro-active. Why worry about something if it hasn’t happened yet?

The eighth and ninth fingers should be pointed at the British. Considering that the word “British” makes up half of “British Petroleum,” they should be thankful that they are only getting two fingers. I will say, however, that this pointing at the British is solely based on spite, as I had some British kid make fun of my being tall at summer camp five years ago, and I really hold a grudge. Also, their PM is being a whiny little bitch lately, so they have him to thank for number nine.

 The tenth finger should be pointed back at the same hand that does the pointing. Which would make the hand that’s doing the pointing look pretty weird, but regardless. Really, if it is the government, or some regulatory institution that is issuing these permits, shouldn’t they have a responsibility too? By granting the permits to these wells that were so ill-prepared to deal with something like this, I’d say that the institution responsible should also carry some of the blame. It’s like a porno director giving an OK to the money-shot, and then getting angry when someone loses and eye. Sure, the safety standards for getting a lease for offshore drilling has increased after the fact, but that doesn’t change that they weren’t there in the first place. If the people responsible for the spill should be hari-kiriing themselves, that sword is going to be getting passed around like Jude Law in prison. Which is to say, a lot.

 But, friend, I think you’ve been going a little too far lately. Killing people on a flotilla that was on a mission to give aid to the people you blew up in the first place isn’t really the best way to appear like the good guy. Especially when the people on the boats were from a variety of countries that are major players on the international scene. At least when the US nuked Japan, they let them sell the US their superior cars afterwards (which, in retrospect, may have been a bad decision.) Then, right after this killing another four Palestinians? Sure, they may have looked like they might have been bombing shit, but maybe letting them off with a warning would have sufficed. I think that someone in the Israeli military needs to lay off playing Call of Duty before patrolling the coastline and flotillas.

 At the end of the day, Israel, you’re surrounded by a lot of people that don’t like you, and when you run around doing shit like this, it makes it hard for anyone else to like you as well. This little tiff you and Palestine have has been going on for a ridiculously long time. Every time it looks like steps are being made in the right direction, either you or Palestine goes or does something like this.

 While the rest of the world is pushing for you two to make friends, hug it out, and watch some football games together, it seems all you want to do is keep killing each other. Maybe the time has come for some key countries supporting you to stop, and just see what happens. If I was a taxpayer in the US, and instead of the government spending money on stuff like schools, or getting the economy back and track they gave it to you to buy guns to blow the shit out of your neighbour, I’d be pretty pissed off. Maybe, just maybe, if that funding was gone, you’d be forced into actually giving peace a chance, and finally stop doing shit like this. Because right now, it’s like you’re the good friend at a party who gets way too drunk, starts doing stupid shit, and although at first your friends try to defend you, it gets so bad that they want to just ditch you and leave you to your fate… You kind of deserve it. So drink some coffee, sober up, and maybe just use the good old fashioned rubber bullets next time you do a raid on people trying to deliver humanitarian aid.

“Voter turnout is lowest amongst the youth vote. Approximately twenty-five percent of eligible voters aged 18 – 24 voted in the 2000 federal election. Moreover, studies have indicated that many youth who don’t vote remain uninvolved in the political system, and do not voting when they get older.”

“This can involve a number of different sorts of initiatives One possibility is to encourage candidates and political parties to address Canadian youths more directly during election, by addressing youths directly at high schools or university campuses, and by discussing issues that important to youth voters. Another possibility is to encourage youth participation through the use of modern forms of media and communication, which are used to a larger extent by younger Canadians. Many organizations, such as Rush the Vote and Elections Canada, have used the internet as a means of increasing political awareness amongst Canadian youth and providing information on how to participate.”

Barack Obama heard a similar message about America loud and clear before his campaign.

Say what you want about Obama’s politics as president, (and most people will) he ran one of the most revolutionary, intelligent campaigns of all time. Even many from right wing america applauded Obama on how effectively his campaign was run. Obama went against the North American political grain, and spent effort campaigning in red states that hadn’t voted Democrat since before some of our parents we’re alive. This was a huge key to him winning the election, especially wins in Indiana and Virginia that we’re noteworthy since neither state had voted Democrat in over 11 elections.

Can anyone remember the last time the Liberals or any other party made a serious, respectable push in Conservative voting Alberta? Instead of just being lackadaisical and ignorant to this province, going by the theory that Alberta is a lost cause for any of the other political parties.

Not only did Obama campaign hard in red states and conservative cities, but also made a concentrated effort to reach the youth of America.

Many have  traced the problems of the republican party of late, back to the parties inability to reach the youth of America.  This was made evident in the last election by voters aged 18–29 voted for Obama by 66–32 percent while elderly voters backed McCain 53–45 percent. Obama was miles ahead of McCain and the Republican party with how to identify with youth voters. Obama spoke directly to the youth of America and spoke to them on issues that we’re directly important to them.

This was a clear example that the same sort’ve initiative can pay dividends in a country like Canada. As much as the young people have this country have turned there heads on politics, politicians and the major parties of Canada have made it extremely easy too. We must move away from the political stereotypes that have handcuffed our country for years now. That Albertans are just cold blooded conservatives that refuse to think or vote any other way. That the youth of Canada are a lost cause and not worthy of expending time and resources on.

Props to the Liberals. Kind of. See, I’m finding myself very hung up on the newest plan the Liberals have to get people out to the polls. On one hand, I really do applaud some of the measures that they are making, such as the banning of corporate and union sponsorships. By getting rid of these, it would mean that politicians would be more inclined to deal with issues the people that voted them in want dealt with, instead of issues that their sponsors want dealt with. What I’m a little less stoked on, however, is the $50 tax rebate. Really? Does the government really need to try to bribe people into voting? Don’t get me wrong, I love surprise money from the government. Those $95 GST rebate cheques have led to some fantastic nights I don’t remember at the bar. That being said, considering that in other times, people have literally killed each other for the right to vote, I think the fact that the government is thinking about bribing us into voting really reflects the sad state of affairs that we have fallen into. I think that these rebates are a terrible idea.

Sure, it will certainly boost the volume at the polls—I mean, $50? Come on! But will it really increase the number of “good” votes? By that, I mean votes where the individual voting has a fairly good understanding of what they are voting for? Because I can imagine that more than one person is going to go into that booth, sit down, and pick “option C,” and walk out. It seems to me like the tax rebate idea is like a kid cheating on a test—sure, they got a higher percentage, but did they really learn anything? Instead of trying to boost the numbers of people going to the poll with money, maybe efforts should be made to find out just why Albertans don’t give enough of a shit to take ten minutes out of their day to vote. And maybe they just don’t care. And if that is the case, I’d rather have 40% of the population that know a little bit of what’s going on voting then have the other 60% who really don’t give a damn voting. Maybe then, not only will the numbers of people going to the polls be boosted, but those people going to the polls will have a better idea of what they are voting for. So, in closing, the Liberals get simultaneous thumbs up, AND thumbs down from me. Which requires more coordination than I am capable of, so let’s just say they get a sideways sticking thumb. Props for trying to get more people to vote, but de-props for trying to do it the easy way.

At this rate, by the time that we are of an age where we really do feel as though we have power, we are going to be making decisions that are going to be affecting the future of the generation after us. Personally, I think screw that. I’d rather be worried about, and help to shape my future, as opposed to the future of my kids. No offences to any Stevie juniors out there that may be reading this down the road, but I’m kind of selfish. I really don’t feel comfortable about having a generation who is 20 years away from death decide the next 40 years of my life (or 60, if I quit drinking). It’s time we started building and pushing our own points of view, instead of just adopting the views our parents have pushed on us since we were born.

We are blessed enough to live in a country that not only tolerates, but embraces different views and ideas. As well, we are at a stage where we can both influence massive decisions, and see the long-term repercussions of those decisions take place. All we need to do is start giving a shit again, remember that we can make a difference, and instead of being Generation Y, be Generation Y-not. Instead of asking why should I try to change anything, ask why not. If you see bullshit in your community, write your alderman or MP and call them on it. Start making a move to set the pace for issues dealt with. Personally, I could care less if you thought that city council should be dissolved, and we should let decisions be made by deciphering the feces hurled at a canvas by rabid monkeys. That wouldn’t be ideal, and I’m of the opinion that one needs to be at least somewhat educated on issues before they can really take a legitimate stance on something, but regardless– as long as people are taking action towards things they actually believe in, I’m a happy camper. This is our future. It’s time we start turning it into one we want—not one decided by political parties, or our parents, but by us.

-W