If you’ve watched anything other than MTV for the last few months, you’ve probably heard about it. Yep, an offshore oil rig exploded. Yeah, it’s ruining the environment (at a rate of a football field every half hour), killing fish, hurting the economy of the area, and is covering birds in oil. But really, let’s look at this in a positive light. This is what the land that’s being taken over by the oil looks like. Is anyone really going to miss that? The water isn’t deep enough to go swimming, is probably infested with leeches, and if the Lord of the Rings is any indicator, dead guys. And, let’s be honest, a lot of great jokes are coming out of it.
As for the economic side of things, whatever damage it’s doing to the local businesses is countered by the fact that you can pretty much fill your car with the oil-infested seawater that’s now conveniently at thousands of people’s doorsteps! If only we were that lucky!
As for the birds… Well, going back to movies again, birds are evil. Their incessant chirping on a bright, cheery morning has woken pretty much all of us up out of an alcohol induced coma at one point or another. Sure, you go grab a gun, and shoot a few, but they’re always back, chirping away. Once again, the people in the Gulf should be thanking their lucky stars that they’ll be able to sleep in peace that much easier.
However, if those compelling points don’t quell your raging hard-on for eco-justice, maybe it’s time to think about just where the fingers of blame should be pointing. I’ll say that 7 out of the ten fingers should definitely be pointed at BP. Don’t get me wrong, they really screwed the pooch here. The lack of a plan to deal with an emergency like this is completely irresponsible. As well, the other main players in the international oil biz find themselves in the same boat. I really like the part where Exxon-Mobil’s “plan” consisted of 40 pages of public relations strategies, and only 14 pages of how to fix the shit.
But we need to remember that these oil companies are just that—companies. Of course they are going to do things the most cost effective way—especially if an event of this magnitude is unprecedented. From what I have seen, nearly all businesses out there are reactive, as opposed to pro-active. Why worry about something if it hasn’t happened yet?
The eighth and ninth fingers should be pointed at the British. Considering that the word “British” makes up half of “British Petroleum,” they should be thankful that they are only getting two fingers. I will say, however, that this pointing at the British is solely based on spite, as I had some British kid make fun of my being tall at summer camp five years ago, and I really hold a grudge. Also, their PM is being a whiny little bitch lately, so they have him to thank for number nine.
The tenth finger should be pointed back at the same hand that does the pointing. Which would make the hand that’s doing the pointing look pretty weird, but regardless. Really, if it is the government, or some regulatory institution that is issuing these permits, shouldn’t they have a responsibility too? By granting the permits to these wells that were so ill-prepared to deal with something like this, I’d say that the institution responsible should also carry some of the blame. It’s like a porno director giving an OK to the money-shot, and then getting angry when someone loses and eye. Sure, the safety standards for getting a lease for offshore drilling has increased after the fact, but that doesn’t change that they weren’t there in the first place. If the people responsible for the spill should be hari-kiriing themselves, that sword is going to be getting passed around like Jude Law in prison. Which is to say, a lot.
